Date: Jul 21, 2010 10:52:07 pm Title: Chapter 5
"I see your face, murky but smiling in the eerie
“Kira”"--that was just amazing. I was all into this story and then came the final line and I was left speechless, again. Wow! I just love it. I don't know what else to say. I'm sorry for that. I think I'm in loss of words 'cause english is not my first language and I don't know all those amazing and long words. Shit! I'll educate myself. *wide smile* I hope. *smile-gone* I will!! Actually, I think my english is getting better. Huh! It would be strange if it wouldn't, 'cause I'm spending every free sec on this site. Now I'm just rambling.
Well, bye hun!! See ya in next story. xD
Author's Response: *hugs* awwwwwww, thank you so much!!! I am so pleased that you like it so much, but it's ok. the short words work just as well! i can feel how pleased and happy you are, so it's all good!!!!
I think it is too, though! i've never tired to learn any other language other than English. i gave up on German, Chinese and Japanese
Date: Jul 21, 2010 10:37:19 pm Title: Chapter 4
"Your lies echo
Echo"--okay, I've just put that there 'cause I totally agree with that. LOOOOL! Umm... I'll just shut up and go to read THE FINAL chapter!!!!!! Yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaayyyyyyyyyyy!!!!!!! *claps*
Author's Response: *hugs* YAYYYYYYYYYYYYYY....i like it too!!!! *laughs* ok, have fun
Date: Jul 21, 2010 08:48:50 pm Title: Chapter 5
Okay, so my first comment is an awed "AWESOME!!" I didn't think he would shoot for such a painful method of suicide, but it was so well put forward. I always thought that to drown would be the worst way to go. But, that gradual sink towards death was so well put forward, and his resolution suddenly breaking down as he realised what he was doing. I thought at first that it seemed as though Kira kept him a little sane - I noticed the sentences tended to get longer when he thought about him xD - and I also love the way he repeats himself. The way he says "and and and" over and over, I think sounds like he's sobbing, like he's trying to get his words out but his tears are clogging his throat, and the words just won't come. But, the way he keeps going, only to almost forfeit at the last minute, was so incredibly portrayed. It's as though you're right there with him, feeling everything that Luminor is feeling, and you, as an author, have taken us to the depths and to that death with him. That's amazing. Truly amazing. Well done xD Does that sound patronising?? I hope not. It's meant to be praise. Here - have a cake instead xD *gives cyber cake*
*hugs* Another finished fic!! I LOVED IT!! *bounces* It was sad, and its was twisting and turning, and it was brilliant!! And I loved how it ended, with just that lone "Kira" in the dead centre of the page...amazing. *hugs* You did so well!!!
Oh, about being a professional reviewer...xD *blush* I've dedicated my time on CBFF to reviewing, cause I'm not sure about posting my stories. So, I feel kinda bad, because I only really WRITE on THFF, but on CBFF I only REVIEW. So, I feel terrible for not reviewing on THFF. That's so awful of me, lol. But I love just reading the stories on CBFF. Especially when they're this good ^^ Did you say you were on THFF? I'll drop you a line sometime xD
Definitely, I'd like to see a sequel with Kiro and Strify. I need to know what my favourite boys are up to...*evil grin* Lol.
Well, I'm off to London in about *looks at clock* twelve hours, so I guess this will be my last review until Monday *sniff* Damn!!! I miss you already xD See ya later my friend!!! *extra long fangirl squeal* to make up for my soon-to-be absence. Bye!!
Author's Response: *bows* thank you, thank you!!!
Yeah, I think that itís the worst way to die (well in the top 3 worst ways) but I really like your description because I kinda did intend on having it as a gradual sink towards death, him drowning in his pain.
I think that Kira did kept him sane; he was more and more confused about their relationship UNTIL he decided to die. Then he knew exactly what he wanted
*bounces* OH YAYYYYY!!!! I really like like like like LIKE!!!! Your descriptions and interpretations, youíre so talented at it!!! MWAH MWAH MWAH!!!!
*blush* No it doesnít sound patronizing at all, it sounds so wonderful! You can always make me smile with your reviews, because (to be honest) you analyse them so much more than my school teachers ever did, which is WONDERFUL *noms on cake*
*breathes in relief* part of me is glad itís over though!!!! I thought that lone Kira was filled with complete desperation and release!!! YAY SINGLE-WORDS! *hugs*
*wide eyes* Iíve read your work on THFF, and you should so write on here!!!!^-*
Iím Rah-Rah on THFF!!!!
AWWW YAY! Itíll have to be short though. : (
YAY LONDON!!! HAVE FUN!!! bUT NOOOOOOOOOOO Monday had BETTER come quickly!!!! *sniffle* awwwwww, have fun hon!!!! WAHHHHHH
Date: Jul 21, 2010 03:34:09 pm Title: Chapter 5
Oh god! i didn't see that coming...well, i did but NOT in that manner. i think that would be the worst way to die.
he went to pull out the stones, but it was too late!!!!
this was one of the most incredible stories i have read in a while!!!
Author's Response: thank you so much!!!! *hugs*
Date: Jul 21, 2010 03:20:21 pm Title: Chapter 5
I...am...how did?! WOWWWWWWWWWWw
that was so good, i can't even begin to express to you how much i liked the ending. there are no words to describe it!!!!
Author's Response: *hugs* i'm so glad you liked the ending!!!!
Date: Jul 21, 2010 09:43:53 am Title: Chapter 4
Aww, I loved this chapter. The way the words swim about the page, the disparate threads of Luminor's mind, and he's trying hard to cling onto them all and give them cohesion, but he's still slipping. And yet, even with that, there is still the sense that he knows precisely what is going on, and of course, he knows exactly what he's doing, but what happened between him and Kira has broken his ability to understand, rather than just see...wow. Just, intense. Plus, the little input of Strify and Kiro there... xD xD Love love love it. So, yeah, this was very awesome. I adore all the symbolism, and the way that the pace increases each time the words drift about the screen, before jerking back to a stop-start once again. It's awesome!! xD
Final chapter, I eagerly await you!! *hugs* *squeal* See ya later!!
Author's Response: Oh MY GOD!!! PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE BECOME A PROFESSIONAL REVIEWER! I CANNOT PRAISE YOU ENOUGH, THANK YOU SO MUCH...YOU PUT SUCH THOUGHT INTO THE REVIEW AND I CANNOT EXPRESS TO YOU HOW MUCH I LOVE IT, LOVE IT LOVE IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Date: Jul 19, 2010 12:13:23 pm Title: Chapter 3
Wow! This chapter sounds like a poem!! I love it!!! Duh, when I didn't?
And I'm sorry for Lumi. He's like-miserable, sad...lost. I dunno.
Oh, you gave me an idea, I SHOULD make a funeral! Thanks!! *hugs*
Huh! I realized something, I like the word giggle on english. I love the way it's writen. It makes me laugh by only looking at it. Lol!
Author's Response: Oh yay! I hope you do have the funeral, that will make it all better
It makes me laugh too...it's a funny word
Date: Jul 19, 2010 11:19:09 am Title: Chapter 3
Oh God! It works so well, if I do say so myself xD Honestly, it looks so awesome, I love it even more now! *hugs* Thank you so much, I didn't know whether it would make any sense at all, but...wah!! Love love love xD I'm so happy. xD Can you tell?
Ahem, anyway, yeah, I loved that very last piece:
The realm Of The Dead Is not Something I fear Kira
I will seek
Ready Or Not
Lol, I had to input all the right html tags in that to try and get it right xD I think it's worked, but you know what I mean anyway. So, yeah, I really loved that particular piece. I think what you can look for within that is the sense of time. It's impossible to tell how much time is passing, and this slow, steady rush of words is the drag of time, running through to his decision. It's so well-crafted, and the layout definitely emphasises this sense of deception, that he feels from Kira, and the plans he's making. It seems like he knows precisely what he's doing, but he's unable to truly verbalise it. So, yeah, crazy cognitions, but I love it, and it shows a totally different perspective on both the character and on insanity itself. It's awesome!!
Rambling over now xD I eagerly await the next chapter, and I can't wait to see how you're going to display a sink into death...I mean, I guess I'm assuming death here, based on the warnings xD But then, the line about the realm of the dead...*shudder* I'm getting ahead of myself!! I'll stop now xD
By the way, I realised that I wrote "monotone" in my last review, when it should have been "monologue" Sorry about that xD Oh, and about the "blank verse" thing, I don't know whether you know or not, I just remember it from school, but it's something like "Blank verse is a style of poetry that does not rhyme, but has a strong sense of rhythm" or something. If you knew that already, I apologise xD I just wasn't sure whether I made myself clear. I hope I didn't just patronise the hell out of you xD
*hugs* This is awesome!! *fangirl squeak* Things will get better. Never doubt, and never fear. We're here for you!!! *HUGS!!!* See ya later, my friend!
Author's Response: *laughs and hugs* You should be happy, it was a brilliant idea!!!!!!!!!
Oh, that was my favourite part of it too, because i think it shows how determined he is.
I donít really like time too much, but I definitely agree with what youíre saying. Oh goodness, you should become a professional reviewer, youíre so great at making an author feel special and talented!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! *hugs*
The line about the realm of the dead is something I find fascinating, and I think maybe Iíll pursue it in another fanfic!!!
*laughs* thatís ok, I understood. Though monotone works freat too!!!
I didnít know that, but I probably SHOULD know it!!! *nods*
*hugs* THANK YOU, Iím actually feeling a little chirpy today
*HUGS* THANK YOU MY FRIEND
Date: Jul 19, 2010 10:08:53 am Title: Chapter 3
God I loved how you put SHin in the first chapter with the stabbing the iv cause I just read Blood omen when he did that xD
oh my..I love this. The layout is amazing, and the way Lumi's mind is working is eerie in a way, but so perfect
Author's Response: *laughs and claps* Oh yay! i'm so happy that you got that!!! *bounces*
Thank you so much
Date: Jul 19, 2010 04:49:12 am Title: Chapter 1
Oh goodness, this is totally amazing. I don't think i've ever read anything like it before, so intense and deep.
Poor Luminor, you can see him struggling to keep slightly sane
Author's Response: *hugs* Thank you so much :)
Date: Jul 19, 2010 04:34:57 am Title: Chapter 3
This...i have no words for the saddness i feel after reading this chapter.
He is so hurt and scared, clinging to hope but remembering all the words said AGAINST him, and now...now he's slowly coming to terms with it.
The last few lines were beautiful, because he is very hesitant and scared, but knows if he wants Kira he will have to follow him
Author's Response: I like hte description!!! *hugs* Thank you Jessica
Date: Jul 19, 2010 04:33:38 am Title: Chapter 2
except for me of course.
Surrounded by monsters and lies
THAT WAS AN AWESOME LINE!!!
And i totally liked this one
How is it the nurses don’t see
I think that his desperation for Kira is really beginning to grow
Author's Response: I think it is too
Date: Jul 19, 2010 04:28:41 am Title: Chapter 3
be that way, play your games.
and I don't even think I want to bother trying,
attempting to fix things between us. Because there really is no us.
(end quote) SOOOO SAD!!!
OMFG, he is really determined to get to Kira!!! This was so well written and eerie- The realm Of The Dead Is not Something I fear Kira
If you want to hide
I will seek
I am really enjoying this story
(and the new layout wasn't too confusing. i liked it)
Author's Response: *bounces* thank you Amy!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Date: Jul 18, 2010 10:24:18 pm Title: Chapter 2
I wonder if Luminor is aware of how poetic his monotone is? Even if he doesn't realise, a lot of what you would consider mad ramblings actually run quite smoothly together. There are stop-start moments, and then there are times when it seems to roll quite freely through what I would think of as "blank verse". Unintentional rhymes, staccato rhythm, it all makes for a very intriguing interpretation of this descent into madness. So, yes, I am thoroughly enjoying this! It's nice to see something so completely different, that you're not afraid to try something new is great.
No definition of normal
Is so true. So, so true. There IS NO definition of normal. It's just a construct that the world revolves around to try and explain things that it doesn't understand. Normality is idiocy. Why be "normal" when you can be different? Why be a part of the drones?
Sorry about my craziness here xD Anyway, *hugs* and much love and support, *fangirl squeak - cus I think the squeal might be a little too ear-piercing xD* and I will see you in the next update!!
Author's Response: *nods frantically* I hope he is!!!!!
Blank verseÖinteresting. What I ADORE about your reviews is that youíre so analytical and helpful. You really get into the stories and I feel truly special!!!!!
*hugs* awwwwwwww, thank you. I must keep trying new things to move on from the past, I think
*nods* I agree, but sometimes being un-normal can prevent you from forming correct social interaction skills (such is what I think happens with Taren sometimes)
*laughs* I think it would be too!!! *bounces* Next update will be up now
Date: Jul 18, 2010 10:17:49 pm Title: Chapter 1
Tense. Very tense. I love how it pulls you along at such a stop-start pace, and I adore the style you've adopted for it. If I can be so bold, could I recommend perhaps occasionally altering the alignment of the words? I know this sounds completely ridiculous, but when I do crazy (lol...how ironic) I tend to shuffle the words about the page, so perhaps having some words on the left side, then some in the centre, then on the right, and then perhaps jumping back to the left, and to the middle again...I know that sounds totally insane, but...well, that's kinda the point xD Don't worry if that doesn't appeal to you, but I'd love to see something like that in here! Not that it's not brilliant already. Please don't misunderstand me! You don't have to change it at all, cause it's awesome the way it is!!
Hmm. I accused Strify of having "run of the mouth disease" in Blood Omen. I think it's contagious xD
Don't worry, I don't think you're insane at all! *hugs* I love it! Can't wait to read more! *fangirl squeal*
Author's Response: *hugs* Oh yay! Iím glad that you like the stop-start style!!!
*le gasp* I NEVER THOUGHT OF THAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
It doesnít seem ridiculous at all! I will DEFINITELY try that!!!!!!
LMAO, I donít misunderstand you at all, hon!!!!
*hugs*I'll just update now
Date: Jul 18, 2010 02:54:58 pm Title: Chapter 2
Wow i love it, it's even more poemlike, so many like, alternate meanings that my english teachers would find whilst the class sat there thinking.. yknow what, i bet the poet never even thought of this...
*giggles* My english teachers would be proud if they saw me now, even though.. this isnt a poem, and your smart, so i bet you DID think of everything i thought of, who cares, im not going to bore you with it all, because no im thinking like luminor in short snappy sentances and its scaring me *giggles*
I love it!
The numbing bit, just reminded me, of the drugs that couldnt really numb his pain, so sad.
- Now, i loves that, idk why, silent darkness, thats probably meaning silent and darkness, but it feels like you person-if-i-k-ied sp? darkness into being silent, and thats eerie, you is good.
And i don't mind being dragged like a puppet, it's fun, just don't get too attatched or else we might cry, but thats good, the sign of a true writer to tie us in knots around the story that isnt real before we realise, and were tied up so ravelled into it and we cant get out, but we dont struggle because we dont want to...
And we feel sorry for luminor, because it wasnt really his fault, and how does it feel to believe the person you love neither loves you back nor is alive to ever love you, for that must be bad, i can imagine, shouldnt get attatched, so he falls to something.. i guess.. everyones tried, which is bad, sad, shoudlnt happen, because, hurting onself isnt saving oneself now is it.
So i guess, thats all i have to say, because luminor is trapped, kira can never return to tell him that he loves him truly, and luminor can never be truyl forgivven for what he did... its like an endless circle of pain, but hopefully, when he dies, heaven forbid it shouldnt be soon, but if it did, when he does, they could be together again.
*snuggle* Because things can always work out if love is strong enough.
Author's Response: YAY!!!! *hugs* I liked doing poetry at school cause Iíd always find ALL the alternate meanings.
LMAO, it is rather scary when that happens!!!! *giggles*
br>personified? I LIKE EERIE!!!!!!! YAYYYYYYYY
*hugs* that is an excellent point (about not getting too attached)
*laughs* I totally *heart* the way that you described the way a writer can emote a reader (emote is incorrect, but I donít know the right word)
shakes head* Youíre smarter
I think that Luminor is struggling so much, drowning in his hope, loss and longing. Itís a terrible place to be, so dangerous.
No, itís not saving oneself, but often the mind believes that it is the only/best option
*hugs* OMFG! THIS IS AWESOME (quote)So i guess, thats all i have to say, because luminor is trapped, kira can never return to tell him that he loves him truly, and luminor can never be truyl forgivven for what he did... its like an endless circle of pain, but hopefully, when he dies, heaven forbid it shouldnt be soon, but if it did, when he does, they could be together again.(end quote)
I think that it can only work out if the two people are determined enough to make it work
Date: Jul 18, 2010 02:44:59 pm Title: Chapter 1
Wow that was amazing, i didnt think you were insane, i thought it was well thought up, and well into the character.
I loved how the sentances did that, i admit :3 I went along whispering it, it made me udnderstand it in my head, and yknow what, it reminded me of a poem, like a good one, not a shitty anthology multi-cultural poem i have to sit through ever english lesson, ones i dont care for, and actually intrested and revaling poem, about trust, hate, changing faces of everyone around him.
Or, maybe thats just my interpretation, but i was told, however you interpret something, that is just one of the many ways the reader meant, or did not mean, but you percieve it as, and that doesnt matter because thats what you get out of a story..
I never understood it... but i didn't need to. I love it! *snicker*
Author's Response: *bounces* Thank you! I just hope Iíll be able to pull back out of his head when Iím done (am I the only one that sounded wrong to?)
*tacklehugs* OMFG!!!! OMFG!!!! I am so pleased that you whispered it, that was kinda the intention!!!
I adore writing poems. YAYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
*nods* that makes sense!
Date: Jul 18, 2010 02:31:06 pm Title: Chapter 2
Huh! You got me remembered, at the beginning, how I got bitten by a bee. I was saving her from drowning and she bite me. And now, she's dead, because of me. I was actually depressed 'cause of it. I don't like killing anything, even mosquitos or spiders (and I hate those two). But, whatever.
There's this one thing I liked very much in this chapter... *tries to find it*
"Yes, I do have conversations
With myself"--HAH!! Got it!!!! *squeeks*
So, the reason I picked this is... I dunno. I laughed at this part.
I know it's not funny. AT ALL!!!! But I did. It kind of reminded me of myself. Ehh...
Am I sick? *tilts head* Yes, I really NEED to go in mental hospi... I'll join Lumi, until he kills me... *sigh*
btw: great story!!!!!!!!!
Author's Response: *hugs* oh? Iíve never been bitten by a bee. I think itís sad that bees die when they bite people. Maybe you should have a little funeral for her?
*nods* I liked that part too, because it was like me. I have conversations outloud with myself all the time! I laughed while writing it, because he is being so truthful!
*hugs* AWWWWWWWWW, itíll be ok. He would never kill you!!! *hugs*
Date: Jul 18, 2010 02:27:18 pm Title: Chapter 1
wow. i can see how broken his mind is, unable to form coherant thoughts!
i thought it was incredibly well written, and i can't wait to read more.
I don't think you're insane at all. a little wierd, but not insane. I know its for the story, but i'm glad you made sure we all realised it
Author's Response: *hugs* Thank you Amy
Date: Jul 18, 2010 02:17:49 pm Title: Chapter 1
Wow! You keep amazing me all the time!!
Awsome!!!! Me likey it!!
No, I don't think you're crazy but it's good to mention though. *laughs*
Author's Response: *hugs* awwwww, thank you. I do promise however that once this series is complete i will work on some happy stories!!! :)